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    Israël - Palestina Info: Satire en Humor

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    Satire en Humor Elders of Zion to Retire (Anthony Weiss - Forward)
    Geplaatst door abby op Saturday 14 March @ 01:06:30 GMT+1 (1425 maal gelezen)

    Elders of Zion to RetireBackward: A Purim SpoofBy Anthony Weiss
    Published March 04, 2009, issue of March 13, 2009.

    The Elders of Zion, the venerable and shadowy Jewish organization that controls the international banking industry, news media and Hollywood, has announced that it is disbanding so that members can retire to Florida and live out their golden years on the golf course.

    “We had a good run,” said one senior Elder, reminiscing over old photographs of world leaders in his musty, wood-paneled office at an undisclosed location. “Maybe we ran the world for just a little too long. Anyway, now it’s Obama’s problem.”

    After a humiliating year left most of its financial holdings, as well as the entire civilized world, on the verge of collapse, the organization has re-defined its mission in terms of bridge games and making it to restaurants for the Early Bird Special.

    The announcement comes after a year in which many of the Elders’ most prized institutions suffered disheartening failures. The vaunted global banking system, which lay at the heart of Jewish world domination for almost two centuries, collapsed with astonishing rapidity, requiring trillions of dollars in bailout funds. The newspaper industry, through which the Elders have controlled world opinion, is in shambles, with prominent papers declaring bankruptcy and forcing millions of readers to form their own opinions. And, in the unkindest cut, Hollywood suffered the humiliation of losing the Oscar for Best Picture to Indian film “Slumdog Millionaire.”

    The organization’s reputation for financial probity had also taken a hit amidst rumors of billions in losses in private Kalooki games against Sheikh Hamad bin ‘Isa of Bahrain. According to inside sources, the organization also lost close to $1 trillion with disgraced investor Bernard Madoff.

    Even before this past year, though, the Elders were facing hard times as they struggled to stay relevant and attract young members. The organization has tried to project a more youthful image, setting up a Facebook page and founding a new “Hipsters of Zion” youth division, which has sponsored a number of singles nights. But youngsters haven’t been interested.

    “World domination just doesn’t resonate with the younger generation of Jews,” said Marvin Tobman, a professor of non-profit management at San Diego State University and expert on Jewish communal life. “They want the fun of fixing the world, not the responsibility of running it.”

    These recent troubles have worried even some of the Elders’ sharpest critics.

    “I always used to complain that Jews ran the world,” said Reginald Weber, author of “Zionists and Zookeepers: The Unholy Alliance.” “But now I’m starting to worry that nobody’s in charge.”

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor Cultural Learnings of the Middle East for Make Benefit Sacha Baron Cohen
    Geplaatst door abby op Sunday 06 July @ 00:05:02 GMT+1 (1723 maal gelezen)

    What Kind of Interviewer Confuses Hamas and Hummus?
    The Strategic Interest

    By Yossi Alpher
    Mon. Jun 30, 2008

    * They took us down winding stone stairs and through long corridors, ostensibly to have some make-up dabbed on our noses for the cameras, in fact to meet the interviewer and test his disguise. We confronted a tall, blond-ish man in his thirties, dressed in leather and studs, his face heavily powdered, his arms and chest shaven. He spoke in a heavy German accent, his movements and mannerisms ultra-gay. He tried to write down our names, but they came out dyslexic.

    "This guy is going to interview us?"

    "Don't worry, he knows what questions to ask you," an assistant producer replied.

    We did worry. But we had signed a contract or release form (we're both interviewed so frequently, neither of us bothered to read it carefully). And we, an Israeli and a Palestinian, are gentlemen; we do what we promise to do. Besides, we had been suggested to the production company by a respected Middle East expert in Washington whom we both know. We had bargained for a fee and received it. Rob, the producer who spoke to us earlier on the phone, had a British accent and seemed serious and professional. The interview was taking place in an appropriate setting, near the Zion Gate of the Old City of Jerusalem. Obviously, this production company, with its three cameras and large coterie of assistants, was serious and very professional.

    We had been asked to be interviewed for a documentary that would explain the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to the youth of the world. A worthy cause. The producers explained that our interviewer, a German rock star, was the perfect person to establish strong communication with our audience. Perfect, also, because neither of us knows anything about rock stars, German or otherwise.

    We were then kept waiting for an hour, a delay for which we were given a variety of production-related excuses. The interviewer disappeared. We had other engagements and were beginning to study our watches and complain. By the time the interview began, we were preoccupied with our scheduling problems. We were told that, considering the nature of our audience, the questions would focus on the most basic issues.

    And they were, indeed, basic, relating to our expectations for the Israeli-Palestinian peace process. Then one of us mentioned Hamas, and the exchange that ensued went something like this:

    "Vait, vait. Vat's zee connection between a political movement and food. Vy hummus?"

    We exchanged astonished glances. "Hamas," we explained, "is a Palestinian Islamist political movement. Hummus is a food."

    "Ya, but vy hummus? Yesterday I had to throw away my pita bread because it vas dripping hummus. Unt it's too high in carbohydrates."

    The Hamas-hummus confusion went on for several minutes. Then, the interviewer declared: "Your conflict is not so bad. Jennifer-Angelina is worse."

    We probed our limited memory of Hollywood scandals: Was he comparing the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to some sort of tension between Brad Pitt's former and current wives?

    What was going on here? Should we pull off our microphones, get up and leave? We exchanged worried glances. "Could we take a break?" one of us asked meekly. The request was ignored.

    And so it went. The cameras kept rolling, the cameramen never cracking a smile. "Vy don't you Jews and Arabs settle the conflict with a time share on the land?" "Ven vill you Jews return the pyramids?" "Vy can't Jews and Hindus get along?"

    Jews and Hindus?

    We played it straight and square. Nay, we simply are straight and square. We smiled at the idiotic questions and answered them patiently. We remonstrated that this was no way to help the youth of the world understand the depth and tragedy of our conflict. When presented with more straightforward questions, we eagerly demonstrated our disagreements on fundamental issues like refugees and who started the conflict. We knew something ludicrous was happening but couldn't quite figure it out. Besides, we ourselves were not being ridiculed - only the conflict that occupies and preoccupies us. And we were pressured for time and just wanted to finish.

    Our rock-star host concluded with a mind-boggling song about the epic Middle East conflict between Jews and Hindus. At the crescendo, he grabbed our hands and joined them with his. Unlike Mahmoud Abbas and Ehud Olmert (or President Bush and Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah), my Palestinian fellow interviewee and I are not hand-holders, but we suffered through it. As we started to hurry away, the interviewer followed us, cameras still rolling, peppering us with nonsense questions about being taken hostage and having his throat slit on camera.

    Yes, dear reader, Sacha Baron Cohen is loose in the Middle East. The end product will undoubtedly be hilarious. We'll try to be good sports about it.

    But will Sacha Baron Cohen? He is exploiting our tragic and painful conflict in the most cynical and deceptive manner. I doubt he'll give us anything in return.

    Yossi Alpher is the Israeli co-editor of bitterlemons.org.

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor Al-Gebra Terrorist Caught!
    Geplaatst door abby op Wednesday 28 February @ 02:56:01 GMT+1 (1996 maal gelezen)


    Terrorist School Teacher Arrested, as reported first on CNN

    NEW YORK- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor Are You a Liberal Anti-Semite? (Joe Lanzmann)
    Geplaatst door abby op Friday 09 February @ 02:52:36 GMT+1 (1885 maal gelezen)


    low concept
    Are You a Liberal Anti-Semite?
    Take this quiz and find out.
    By Joe Lanzmann
    Posted Friday, Feb. 2, 2007, at 1:13 PM ET

    After years of rising concern about left-wing anti-Semitism, the New York Times reported this week about a study for the American Jewish Committee. Written by professor Alvin Rosenfeld of Indiana University, the study describes the spread of a virulent anti-Zionism in many quarters on the left that has helped legitimate anti-Semitism. Some people have seized on the study to argue that these extreme anti-Zionists are really anti-Jewish bigots. Critics reply that criticizing Israel, even harshly, doesn't prove animus toward the Hebrew people.

    So, how can you tell if you're a good liberal who simply thinks the West Bank settlements are bad policy—or a closet Judeophobe whose progressive views mask a serious attitude problem? Take this quiz and see.

    1. Who deserves the most blame for the Iraq war?

    a) George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld
    b) Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, and Bill Kristol
    c) Blame? Don't you support the troops?

    2. Which group exerts too much influence on America's Mideast policy?

    a) Conservative jingoes
    b) Not the Jews per se but a "pro-Israel lobby" composed mainly of wealthy New York financiers (who may well all attend the same shul)
    c) Arabists at the State Department

    3. How would you characterize debate about America's Mideast policy?

    a) Robust, with a full range of opinions available in various publications
    b) Nonexistent, since all criticism of Israel is "taboo"
    c) Biased, because the Sulzberger family of the New York Times is afraid to seem "too Jewish"

    4. Which state's offenses against humanity bother you most?

    a) Sudan
    b) Israel
    c) Massachusetts

    5. Criticism of Israel is:

    a) Sometimes warranted, but needs to be kept in context and perspective.
    b) The civic duty of every truly patriotic citizen who cares about America's self-interest.
    c) Why are you always criticizing Israel?

    6. What do you think of Joe Lieberman?

    a) I liked him OK when he ran with Gore, but he lost me on Iraq, school vouchers, and Social Security.
    b) The most dangerous man in the Senate
    c) At least there's one Democrat who isn't soft on terrorism!

    7. On what basis is Iran a threat to world peace?

    a) I'm concerned that its unchecked nuclear-arms program will destabilize the region.
    b) I'm afraid Israel will use its saber-rattling as a pretext to start World War III.
    c) I pray Ehud Olmert will have the chutzpah to pull another Osirak.

    8. Jimmy Carter's use of the term "apartheid" in his new book is:

    a) intended to provoke debate but clearly ill-considered
    b) a gutsy, rare example of someone "speaking truth to power"
    c) more of the same from the putz who put Andy Young at the UN

    9. Which describes your view of the Holocaust?

    a) The most horrific crime in recorded history
    b) A tragedy that, incidentally, gets far more hype than the Turks' slaughter of the Armenians or the white man's annihilation of the Indians
    c) Child's play compared with what Iran's Ahmadinejad has planned

    10. The term neoconservative suggests:

    a) Erstwhile leftie radicals who grew disenchanted with the welfare state.
    b) A cabal of pro-Israel intellectuals who have hijacked our foreign policy.
    c) A code word for "Jews" used by the people who answered (b).

    Your Results

    Give yourself 1 point for each (a) answer, 2 points for each (b) answer, and 0 points for each (c) answer.

    0-3: OK, you're not an anti-Semite. But you're not a liberal either. You win a lifetime subscription to Commentary and this sheaf of old AIPAC newsletters.

    4-7: You display trace elements of atavistic fears. Your prize: a copy of The Plot Against America.

    8-12: Phew! You're an unbigoted liberal—painfully capable of striking a middle ground and excruciatingly tolerant of all points of view. Please enjoy this complete set of Barack Obama's speeches.

    13-16: You're clearly not nuts about Zion, but Abe Foxman won't be calling you just yet. To be safe, steer clear of any petitions emanating from British universities. Meanwhile, please claim your dinner with Tony Judt and two tickets to My Name Is Rachel Corrie!

    17-20: You're an anti-Semite! You win a tour of synagogues in Italy, Argentina, and Turkey bombed by militants who are merely anti-Israel and not anti-Jewish. Also, an extended director's cut DVD of The Passion of the Christ.

    Joe Lanzmann is the pseudonym of a liberal Jew who fears retribution—though precisely from whom he's not sure.

    Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2158962/ 
    Copyright 2006 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor Gaza Infomercials (Dry Bones Blog)
    Geplaatst door abby op Sunday 17 December @ 04:21:03 GMT+1 (2482 maal gelezen)

    Friday, November 10, 2006


    Meer lezen... | Score: 4

    Satire en Humor Become a Jew: Riches and Power - All yours with this special offer!
    Geplaatst door abby op Monday 13 November @ 01:19:32 GMT+1 (2794 maal gelezen)



    Dear non-Jewish friend,
    Congratulations, you have been selected by our team to receive this special free offer. Yes, now you too can become a Jew. You've read about in national media, you've seen it in the Guardian, the Nation and the Independent.

    It is really true - We Jews control everything. Join us now and you get these benefits:

    - Control the media - Jews control all the media. Anything we want to publish is published instantly and broadcast around the world.

    - Suppress dissent - Anything we don't want people to know about is instantly and completely suppressed. You never heard of Walt and Mearsheimer right?

    - Start wars at will - We Jews were responsible for the French Revolution, the Russian Revolution, World War I and World War II. Read about in the Hamas Charter, the Guardian and The Nation.

    - Control the government of your country - Yes you can have politicians in the palm of your hand as well as achieving high office. Roosevelt was Jewish. Rumsfeld is Jewish. Zarqawi and Osama Bin Laden are secret agents of the Jewish conspiracy too.

    - Reap untold riches - You will never have to work again. That's right! No Jews ever have to work, and all of us are rich.

    - Be part of the chosen people - God chose the Jews, and that's why He makes it easy for us. Welcome to the team.

    For a limited time only, we offer you membership in the exclusive Jewish Club. There is nothing to buy and no complicated forms to fill out. Males may require a minor surgical procedure.

    Don't miss this fabulous opportunity for advancement.

    Brought to you by the Elders of Zion

    * This joke is a work of fiction. Only about 8 or 10 million Jews were killed in preparing the background for this joke.

    Copyright by Ami Isseroff 2006. Posted at ZioNation - Progressive Zionism and Israel Web Log. http://www.zionism-israel.com/log/archives/00000129.html Please forward with this notice. 

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor President Ahmadijad's letter to US President George Bush
    Geplaatst door abby op Wednesday 10 May @ 20:33:04 GMT+1 (2164 maal gelezen)

    Humor: Iranian President Ahmadijad's letter to US President George Bush

    President Ahmadinejad of Iran has sent a letter to George Bush in order to "ease tensions." Following is an anonymous humorist's rendering of the content of this letter (modified and enhanced by yours truly - Ami Isseroff

    To: His Excellency, George Bush, president of the Great Satan, puppet of Zionists
    Fr: His Excelency, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of peaceful Islamic Republic of Iran

    Re: Recent tensions

    Sorry it's been so long. It hardly seems like 26 years since we held 52 American spies hostage for 444 days. Well, enough nostalgia.

    Listen, I have some new ideas for how to end the tensions over our little nuclear energy project, and your crusade to let the Zionists take over the Muslim world.

    I had a brainstorming session with the Guardian Council, and we came up with a lot of great solutions. But I know you're busy putting down a Republican rebellion and trying to pull your approval rating out
    of the toilet (LOL), so I'll just give you our top ten proposals for easing tensions.

    10) Germany declares that the Holocaust never happened. Put the Israeli Zionists on boats and send them back to Europe. Turn Israel into a goat ranch.

    9) Pat Robertson studies at Qom and becomes an Ayat Allah

    8) USA apologizes for troubling Iran with the spies at the US embassy and pays indemnsity to Iran for guarding embassy spies.

    7) USA women wear burqas

    6) (You'll like this one for sure) Death penalty for homosexuality in the USA.

    5) Wipe Israel off the face of the map. Replace with goat ranch.

    4) U.S. buys Iranian oil. I make threatening statements causing uncertainty in petroleum markets. We use the windfall profits to pay Russia to help us make nuclear devices, and to pay China to stop U.N.
    sanctions. U.S. continues to buy Iranian oil.

    3) Get IAEA and U.N. to adopt `Don't ask, don't tell' policy regarding uranium enrichment.

    2) Iran tests our peaceful nuclear technology out on Israel. After the radiation level returns to normal, turn Israel into an Islamic Republic.

    1) U.S. joins global Muslim Caliphate, ensuring peace and bountiful supplies of enriched uranium for all of Allah's people.

    Feel free to choose more than one solution.

    I know you have a lot on your plate — what with the threat of Nancy Pelosi becoming Speaker of the House — but try to get back to me quickly so we can get implementation on a fast track.

    Yours in Peace (Salam Aleikum warahmatulahi),

    Copied from: ZioNation - Progressive Zionism and Israel Web Log

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor Israeli Anti-Semitic Cartoons Contest: more cartoons
    Geplaatst door abby op Saturday 29 April @ 03:04:16 GMT+1 (5023 maal gelezen)


    I prefered these cartoons about the alleged secret power/conspiracy of the Jews, rather than the more crude ones about blunt racist or religious prejudice or the Holocaust.
    Also, this Punch and Judy (Jan Klaassen en Katrijn) cartoon about "The Conflict" was very recognizable:


    Meer lezen... | Score: 5

    Satire en Humor Israeli Anti-Semitic Cartoons Contest: the winner
    Geplaatst door abby op Saturday 29 April @ 02:33:17 GMT+1 (1986 maal gelezen)

    Fiddler on the Roof by Aron Katz, the winner of the Israeli Anti-Semitic Cartoons Contest (From: http://www.boomka.org/ )

  • Aron Katz Says:
    April 6th, 2006 at 10:07 am

  • Thank you, this really is a dubious honor.

    Visually, the quality on some (particularly mine) could have been a lot better, but this was a light hearted and amateur competition.

    For this entry, I tried to make the parallel between the homicidal tyrant, Roman Emperor Nero and ‘the Jew’ that part of the world thinks has a stranglehold on the America. I tried to compare the Roman Empire to modern America and Rome to New York. The story goes that Nero burned, or was responsible for burning 10 of the 14 districts of Rome so he could clear the urban land and build temples for his own aggrandizement. He set fire to the city and “fiddled while Rome burned.” Historically, there is little proof—this is inferred from stories of his ego and apparent megalomania, and from what I understand, there actually was no such instrument present in Rome, yet that’s the story that remains. When you hear the name Nero, you think of him burning Rome. There’s even software called “Nero Burning ROM” for burning CDs. I use it. It has an icon of the Coliseum on fire.

    Sometimes the story that history remembers isn’t the most honest one, but the funniest, most convenient or flattering to the victor, or maybe it’s just the one that’s repeated the most times. So I took the iconic image of fiddler on the roof to poke fun at that the theory that the Jews were somehow complicit in the attack, didn’t come to work that day, or used this to get America to go to war with the Muslim world.

    Someone close to me thought this was an entry about the Jews claiming the tragedy as their own to the exclusion of the rest of America. That even before the towers fell we were already wallowing in self-pity. This is a valid interpretation, but not at all what I had in mind.

    To the people I offended, who had loved ones who died on that day, I am really truly sorry. I know the image of the towers is painful. It hurts me too to look at that image, but it can’t be completely off limits. We have to resist the temptation to deify the dead and demonize the enemies in any situation. Whether we’re talking about the Holocaust or September 11th, Darfur or Rwanda we have to remember that these are human tragedies involving real people who are not fundamentally different from one another. That’s why it is so appropriate that proceeds go to helping those people most in need.

    My entry is ridiculous; it is wrong. Hopefully you saw it and, after the shock and profanity wears off, you thought it was wrong too. Hopefully you saw it and didn’t dismiss it.


    Meer lezen... | Score: 0

    Satire en Humor Bush, Iraq & Iran
    Geplaatst door abby op Saturday 29 April @ 02:14:04 GMT+1 (1817 maal gelezen)

    Found at: http://yonathanbert.blogspot.com/2006_04_01_yonathanbert_archive.html

    Meer lezen... | Score: 0


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